The Shoes

Hey man don’t judge me if you haven’t walked a mile in my shoes. Don’t judge me if you haven’t walked a mile in my three and a half in tall platform sneakers with detachable pearl strings and ribbon laces with little metal parts at the end. When I say that these shoes increased my worth as a person I do fully mean that. Like for starters I become a respectable 5’5” when I wear them, much less likely to be picked up by an eagle or crushed by a falling bookshelf than a puny idiot small stupid 5’1” creature, and second of all they look really really really cool. Everyone always asks me how i am able to stand in them bro you practice. Also when i fall in them i do it really sneaky like and get up like i meant to do it yknow impromptu ballet splits and all that. Also sorry they’re so expensive now i bought them like a year ago when they were only 70 dollars pleaseee bro llease